i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
why do cheetos always look like penises
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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