escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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