Whatcha textin bout Willis?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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