Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Randomize
