Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
