what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
