you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
