I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
