I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize