If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
