Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
We just shotgunned beers for America
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
