That's intense
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
