Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
