It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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