Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
