She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
