So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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