yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
