DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
