Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
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