I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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