Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
