last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
