So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
