Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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