So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
you didnt know i had herpes?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
