I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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