If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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