Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
