A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize