How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
