i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
