She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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