So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
