I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
