Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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