dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
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