Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
