apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
