What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
