Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
