I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
