his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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