I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Randomize
