I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
