i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
