I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
