Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Randomize
