i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
