Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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