Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
