I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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