I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
