When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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