Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
