1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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