Don't make out with my wife yet
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
false alarm, still single
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
