So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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