No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Randomize
