you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
