So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
