You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
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