Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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