i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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