it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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