separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
