Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
