remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
