Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize