It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
