why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
