just come out here and I will go home with you...
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
