FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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